Title yan ng folder na ginawa ko to organize my files. My laptop was too cluttered this first sem. Grades are out and they seem to be fine. Thank God and all the powers that be in law school.
Immersion had a lot of firsts. And I'm still deathly scared of slopes. I don't think I can give justice to the experience by blogging it now. Hirap mag reflect, classes na maya-maya.
Oh. I've met a lot of good people in HR too. Again, cannot give everything justice.
Will have to blog when it can be given. Hay... too out of it.

I'm currently packing for the human rights activities for the break. My stuff aren't complete yet. But I'm getting there. Anyhow, I would just like to express my thanks to ger for helping me clean up my law school ravaged room and for helping me buy stuff and for helping me fix my knapsack. ANd well, for ultimately being there for me this semester even though I can get stubborn and ill-tempered and utterly insecure. Thanks for your patience.

Finals week just finished and I’m not confident with some of the subjects. I don’t think I’d get kicked out of law school but I do fear getting failing marks for either Consti or Crim. There should be one more exam but I’m opting not to take that one because I can afford to. It is not boastful. It just so happened that I passed two exams and this third one is cancellable depending on the grade. So I passed two already and two will be considered for the final grade. That’s enough already.
On to human rights. Originally, there were three freshmen in the Human Rights center who got accepted. Me, Sei and Geoanne. Unfortunately, I find myself the only freshman left due to unavoidable circumstances. I’m having a hard time mingling with upper classmen because I can’t relate to the subjects they were talking about. And I can’t really talk about my stuff because to them, what I’m going through is already history. They are all understanding and they do let me in and join in their groups. Still, it can’t be helped that it is harder since I don’t know anyone. I told myself that this is really a test of desire. When I heard that the two of them backed out the first thought that came to me was if I should as well. Hypocrite. I find myself not even considering the option. I’m just scared that I won’t find the right company or the people to talk to. However, in the gist of it all, I don’t want to say I quit because I don’t want to. I want to be part of Ateneo Human Rights. I’m no good with trekking or going to the mountains for our immersion next week. I don’t even know what a windbreaker is. But I know that this immersion experience would only be the first. Do not condemn me for not being so excited. I am deathly scared of the woods, of having to do my thing (bath, urinate, crap) inside a malong, of the npa, of not being able to get along. I am. Scared. But I realize how this is only a part of something which could flourish into something big for me and for those whom I can influence. Yeah, it can be inconvenient but I know I want to be in this particular organization and for the right reasons. There can be so much more than the temporary and fleeting fears of discomfort.
As for next semester, I pray that I be able to be of quality service to the organization while studying. I really hope I pass all my subjects. Atty. Medina said they consider grades in accepting people and I really don’t want to disappoint.

I wonder

I wonder...

I really do...

tatagal kaya ako sa Ateneo?

I'm preparing to study for Crim. Today was my Consti Law finals. I think I'm flunking it. Persons and leg prof down done too. Crim and Statcon to go.

So I saw this goat cheese in the fridge. And it looked cute. And I haven't eaten goat cheese ever. Or maybe I have but not as pure goat cheese so I won't remember the taste anyhow. I asked ate darlyn, ate anong lasa nito? She said kuha ka isa. So I got one of them cube thingies and unwrapped it. It is larger than the usual cube thingy. And as I took a bite, my tummy grumbled. And then Darlyn, sobrang timing, asked the landlady to come to the kitchen and survey what is for lunch. And I was still holding the big chunk of goat cheese which I know is not mine but is for her regular salad. I turned around, ate the whole thing and pretended as if I'm just washing my hands but really, I was chewing fast.

ANd now my tummy grumbles.

Thou shalt not steal thy landlady's cheese.

On the academic side of life.
God. Save me.

Okay. It has been awhile since I've had a semi free night. I am still going to review for tomorrow's class but I am really searching for some sort of break. This week has been hectic. The past few weeks had been too. Our persons debate, bar ops, and Consti is now, 2 hours every time. So that takes time.

But anyway, I'd like to tell stuff. Other stuff. Law school stuff but not rants.

I got accepted in Ateneo Human Rights. There were only three of us first years. I didn't think they'd be that strict. I wonder where this road will take me. I really do. My first memory of the the Human Rights, I remember, was that they were those shiny people (Yes, I said shiny) who joined along in the truth and accountability rally. I think that was my reaction because I was just in 3rd year back then. And I was thinking "oooohhh law school people." I wonder if I can stick this out. I wonder if I can stick out law school.

Patty emailed me about the solicitation for retreat. She told me how she wished I was okay because I texted her how there are no more happy days. It was Vince who said he feared losing his spontaneity in law school. I think as much as I fear failing, I also feel the same. Three weeks for class and a week of exams. I'll be toughing it out. But I do hope I pass first sem. This is that period when they segregate really those who will stay and those who are not so lucky. Sometimes, I really don't know who is. It would suck if I got accepted in HR then I'd be forced to leave because of grades. That would not be nice.

What's next to the list of stories?
Oh. And Kri is Djumantan.
Hay... People won't get this part. This is taken from a case we repeated in Consti. Djumantan was married to a Filipino while the first marriage was still subsisting. Djumantan is Indonesian but she followed the man in the Philippines and resided here. She lied about their relationship. It was discovered and she supposedly was to be deported but since a petition for deportation can only prosper within 5 years after filing (1980), she was not deported because it was already 1990.
And we joke around sayng that Kri Roderos is the woman and she is unable to go back to Indonesia.

Basta. Malabo. Pero sobrang benta sa min.

And what else? Ana, Marien and Kri says they have their own sorority they call boobority. And the queen is the queen boob. I am not sure why I get tangled with such people but they really are very fun. They are such the opposite of me (who mentally hangs, as in like nag-hang na computer) every time I'm faced with things like that. Nut maybe that is what I find so amusing about them. Allan says he thinks I'm older than them. But really, I'm not. Ana is 24 na rin. And Kri is 2 batches up.

They all do the fun stuff. My role is to well, hang around and just mentally hang whenever they do their thing. I honestly don't mind. I like being their friends.

Okay. A blow.

In our philo class, the people rarely study. Rarely: when we report or during the 3 tests we'll be taking. Well, we took 2 already. So that leaves one. And failing philo under father ferrer is so normal. He always uses a bell curve system in order to save some souls. Anyway, why a blow? Yesterday, we took the 2nd exam. And honestly, it was damning hard. And people were not prepared because of the advent of our two hour consti. We have reports in class and we are given handouts from those. But father ferrer takes the questions from the original text so relying on the handout really is either failing or praying for a so so passing grade.

I took the mind set that I'd read the originals for the Philo long test but I will have to accept a bad recitation from consti if studying the original text meant giving up a recitation. Because recitations come all the time for consti even if it s my waterloo. But a long test, that only happen 3 times in that philo class. True enough, I was called and my recitation in consti was eww... And then after the philo test, eww din. Reading the 22 chapters was tiring and I found myself guessing constructively the items. Parang intellectual guess kasi nag-aral naman talaga ako. Infer here and there lang. But as a whole, it felt like a practice in futility.

We got the test today, 56 ako. It must be a decent grade because people were congratulating me. But many also were telling me, thanks a lot for screwing the bell curve. Kasi daw mataas grade ko (kahit di ko alam total grade or kung may mas mataas sa 56.) sabi nila 65 total daw. Apparently, I ruined the grades of many because I studied and I feel uncomfortable because really, we don't know. Perhaps someone got a higher grade who just isn't speaking out. And I don't like the feeling that I can't even feel happy for myself. Hay... Still, I know I it is not like me to not study. So there. I bet I'd feel bad if I got lower and that bad recitation would have been in vain.

Have to go study. Study study.

I scribbled this on my spare post-it note yesterday:

In this case sir, uh, in this case,
We take not of how the respondent
Tried.

Ahahaha. Go consti. ahahaha.

Was never much of a transcendental thinker. I do things, I suppose, by the week if they are academic in nature and about other things, well, they come and I act on them. Or maybe, I act when I feel like it. Sometimes the lines get blurry because I do not plan much outside my student life.

Well, what's the point of thinking things through?

I applied for the Ateneo Human Rights Center and today I got interviewed for it. And as much as I know it, as much as my mom and brother knows about my applying, I still got hit by the reality that I won't have a sem break because of it. Well, I suppose the immersion is the break already. But this much, I haven't thought about it because there was that feeling of remorse somewhere.

I have to think things through. I want to apply but somehow, somewhere whispers wala ka nang vacation. What was said during OrSem as the best vacation of my life because it is the one after 1st sem, wala na yun. Kaya dapat isipin. Bakit ko gusto. Hindi yan AtSCA. At ayaw mo rin na AtSCA yan because it's a different stage in law school. Isipin mo kahit papaano.